I think I just need to write.. i'll explain a little first:

I was diagnosed with Major Depression my sophomore year of high school after i attempted suicide for probably the 10th time, but would have been finally successful if my parents would not have found me having a seizure in my bed.

But anyway, i've been on several medications and this past summer, my first summer as a Christian, i decided to go off all of my medication, and for the most part i was fine.... however i was not in school (so no major stress), i was working (but i love my summer job), and i was also smoking all the time (not really giving my life to God). So when i came back here, to go to school, i was unable to function. So i went back on 1 of the medications (i talked to the doctor) and it's been really rough but i don't know if it's because of the medication or if it's because of sin. I seem to be doing "ok" when i'm walking with the Lord, but i'm not really "happy". However when i fall, like into tempation, i just dropped tremendously and can hardly function.... I think that is kinda what happened. I forgot to take my medicine on thursday and friday and then on saturday i fell into a huge temptation....

and now, i feel like i've closed so many doors on people who could have helped me at time like these, and there is really no one for me, to hug me... and the 1 person i had left, who kinda of cared, i just told him that i am not doing well, and this is what he said : "I'm sorry, i have to go but we will talk later"...I need to cry.. i'm scared i feel like i have no control