I was revealed one of the reasons of why, since I was a very small child, I have always wanted not to be in this world anymore:

:15 "Do not love the world or anything in the world..."

My earliest recollection of wanting to die was when I was about 4 years old. I know deep in my heart that I did not truly want to be dead, but to be free. and I am so thrilled that I am now free, I don't ever have to die. : )

I'm glad to have mastered that concept, heh, because I do truly Hate the world. I hate the " cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does..." (v 16).  and I am so grateful that God did not give up on me, and never will. If I would have died then my purpose would have already been fulfilled, but I have a purpose that has not been fulfilled, and although I really wish I knew what it was, I'm glad that I don't have just one boring easy path.