I am a mess. There are so many things that i am just having to deal with. I was raped on Monday. and it just has not hit me. I want to feel pain. I want to deal with this.

I'm completely numb. I need some support.

God has filled my heart with Joy. I am so thankful for his grace. I feel like i'm "dancing with my Father God in fields of Grace".

Why. I don't know why I am constantly asking this question, about mostly everything. Why am I still here. I obviously am not good enough, but I also am not strong enough. Why all of this. Why Everything. I don't want to be here anymore, I have never wanted to be here. There has to be more to life than what i'm doing. What am I doing wrong?

I realized my biggest desire and also my biggest fear. What i've always wanted was a real family. A mom who loves me and comforts me, and a father who would really love me. My biggest fear is that I will never have a family. Even if I find a man who loves me, i've been told that I may not be able to have kids.

Love is a splended thing...

I'm feeling horrible. I dont understand this feeling, it's unwanted, i don't understand. I don't understand why this depression is taking over me. I thought I had it under control. I just want to feel skinny not fat, pretty not ugly, happy not sad, excited not irritable. I want to smile, and really be smiling. and unfourtunatly some other feelings are taking over. I want to sleep.. forever.

This is so difficult. I need help. I have no one to talk to. There is nothing I can do, and my heart hurts, my whole body huts. I can't do it .

The hardest part about getting motivated is knowing that in the end, it really does not matter. I'm sure there are good things that will come out of passing these classes and ultimately graduating from college and such... but in the big picture, it's not a big deal. It's so hard to be motivated.

Lord, I always need you, but I will really really need your help through these two days. I need to get alot acomplished. Please help me do what you desire for my life, but most importantly remind me constantly that is is not about me. I need to put my needs aside because I am not who matters. You matter and this life is for you. Please help me with stress and depression. Help me feel rested. Help.

I don't understand how I can drop so low, so quickly. It may be just all the stress and unexpected situations that have happened, but I feel like I cannot deal with it. I am not well.

Please ask me questions on my blog below!!!!

I love this quote:

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
  --  Mahatma Gandhi

The reason I love it is because although it does not apply to ALL Christians, it does apply to most. There are too many people who are claiming Christianity who are not truly followers of Christ. What does it mean to follow Christ? Read the Bible, it tells you exactly what to do.

Luke 10:27  ^"love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and love your neighbor as well as you do yourself."

Here's your chance!

ASK ME 6 QUESTIONS.

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THEY CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT.

ANYTHING AT ALL.

I WILL BE 100% TRUTHFUL.